Whew we made it!

Oh my...it has been 3 months since my last blog post! I have been busy. Duh. To be honest, that is not really an excuse. I think my priorities ebb and flow depending on how much time I have. Bla bla bla. The bottom line is I have been a crappy blogger. Sorry.

Here is a quick recap: Work has been good for me. I have been with ABG for almost a year and am feeling much more confident. I like the guys I work with and my boss is very supportive. The HUB is doing really well. I am so proud of Andy and Jamie. They have really made something very cool out of nothing. REALLY. We had NOTHING when we all started. Aven started crawling over Halloween weekend, and has not stopped moving since. She is so stinking cute when she wants to move fast. Now she is pulling herself up on things and cruising like a pro. I think we are just a couple of weeks away from walking. We spent Thanksgiving in TN. We had/have a ton of rain this winter. We spent Christmas in IL, and West TN with Grandparents and family. Aven's birthday/NYE party was fun.

Since Aven's first birthday, I have done a lot of reflecting. Being that her birthday is on New Year's Eve, it somewhat forces you to reflect, even if you don't plan on it. I kept thinking about *last year I had a 1/2/3/4 day old baby at this time, I was just learning how to breastfeed, I didn't know what sleep deprivation really was, etc.*

So many people say this, but the first year of Aven's life has gone by SO fast. But like when most people actually sit back and reflect then they realize there was A LOT in that past year. I love Aven more than anything in the whole world, but those first 3 months were tough. Everyday things got a little less tough. I think my most favorite time of her life so far as been the past 3-4 months. I can't wait for her to be her own little person. She has already started to show her personality. She is so smart, and sweet. She does have a stubborn streak...I have no idea where that came from. ;-)

I thought it was hard dropping her off at day care the very first time, but it seems to be getting harder and harder. All I want to do is play with her, teach her things, and get to know her. It ticks me off that someone else gets to do those things with her. I know it is a necessary evil to have 2 working parents, and I wouldn't want to put that burden on Andy, even if we could "afford" to be a 1 income family...but sometimes I don't want to walk out that day care door. I know I am not the only Mommie out there to have these feelings. I also know I am not going to be the last either. *sigh*

This past year has been the hardest and the most rewarding of my life. Aven has made Andy and I a family and I am so happy she is here. Here are some photos from the past year...

I've Lost My Mind AND a Cup Size!

Recently I posted up a Facebook status update that on the surface, I thought was a normal thought provoking update. Come to find out either people thought it would be a better idea to poke fun at me or reply back with reassuring "it will be ok, don't worry" comments. Alright, rewind. Here is a little back story to my status update:

On October 4th a baby girl named Lisa Irwin went missing. She is 11 months old from Missouri. She was reported to be taken from her crib while sleeping. My heart broke. Aven turned 9 months that week and upon hearing this news a couple of things went through me. The first was, I am going to keep my eyes peeled for any baby that looks like Lisa (boy or girl) because the kidnappers could dress her as a boy to disguise her. The second thing that went through my head was, what if I falsely accused someone of kidnapping Lisa because my memory recall from her photos could be inaccurate?

Then, my mind started twirling...

What if someone thought Aven was Lisa? How would I prove that Aven was mine? Yes, I know DNA exists. I also know that there would be many of my friends and family that would be witness to the fact I am indeed Aven's mom. My question was targeted as a more "on the spot" sorta verification.

I am painfully aware that these thoughts could be considered as overreacting. But are they?

One side says yes. The probability this could happen to anyone I know is rather slim. Really really slim. Read this blog post: How Dangerous is Childhood? At first glance, I was worried my thoughts would have been supported. But upon further reading, I started to feel a little better.

The other side says no. If it is your baby that is taken, was there anything you could have done to stop it? Lock your windows? Become a helicopter parent? Purchase an Amber Alert GPS?

I am sure there is a happy medium to both sides. I have confidence that I will find it. The thought provoking question is why? Why did I just now start to freak out about the big bad world? Why not when Aven was first born? Or before? Was it Lisa? Or was Lisa a catalyst?

The best conclusion I could come up with was I stopped breast feeding (totally) at about the same time baby Lisa went missing. Aven started pushing herself away at night time and morning feedings. You can lead a horse to water...so we stopped. The same time I started to worry and worry and worry about her. I think before I was concerned, but I always felt connected to her. It sounds strange, but I just knew she was alright. Without a tether, I felt so disconnected and flailing. Things have gotten better since I started to realize the reason behind my hypersensitivity.

The reason I wanted to blog about this was not to embarrass myself, which I am sure I have done. Rather to bring to light if any mom out there is starting to ween their baby and they have crazy OMG moments, it is normal. Well...at least I did it ;-) Not to say that I am normal, but maybe...

Rolling in the Deep...

I am freaking in LOVE with this song. Adele is amazing. There are certain singer/song writers that just hit ya, you know?



Sara Bareilles wicked awesome.



And Dolly...what else is there to say?

As Aven's birthday gets closer (I know it is still 3 months away, but closer nonetheless) I realize how crazy fast she is growing up in front of my eyes. I hope she grows up with strength, thirst for knowledge, conviction, passion, and above all love. I am so lucky to have found the love of my life and to have been so blessed with the love of a child. I feel like a better version of myself when I think of the woman I want to be to teach Aven.

Another season is upon us and with cooler temperatures and holidays approaching, I always do a lot of reflecting. Ergo this hodgepodge of a blog entry. Well there you have it. I think I have rambled on enough to confuse the average reader. Bye!

Pack your Bags--Bags!

The above statement is no longer!

Sleep is glorious. I have taken for granted all the mornings I slept in as a teenager and a hung over college student. Serious lack of sleep will make you feel like you are living in an alternate universe. For lack of a better example, a dull catatonic version of your vibrant self.

In addition to not stressing about working out (which I am working out even more than before LOL), I have decided to slowly start weening Aven from breast milk. As much as I know it is SO good for her, I think it is time.

I was pumping 2 times at work, preferably 3 times. 1 time after she went to bed, but before I went to bed. A final time in the middle of the night, around 3:30 am. I had to do this to keep up with her demand; if I wanted to do 100% breast milk.


As I might have mentioned before, we found a formula that she doesn't reject (aka projectile vomit). Gerber Good Start Soy formula has done the trick. Since this discovery, my life has been MUCH less stressful. I pump 2 times at work and that is it!!! We are doing 1/2 formula and 1/2 breast milk in her bottles. I nurse her before bed and when she wakes up.

Me: Sleeping through the night for the first time in 8 months this week has been amazing!

Aven: Sleeping through the night since she was 2 months old. *jealous*

I feel like myself more than I ever have before. Don't get me wrong...I don't feel like I have sacrificed a huge amount of myself or anything. It is just a little sleep here and there. I would totally do it all over again in a heart beat. But I gotta say, uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep is freaking A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

I woke up this morning with the ability to make a plan for the day, look forward to going to work, pack a bag to work out over lunch, and plan a yummy healthy dinner for the hubby and me. WOW.

Ripples

Yesterday I got some very bad news. A friend of mine died tragically. Sorry to just blurt it out like that, but there is no way to soften the event. I won't go into personal details about him, because I am not sure if his family is ready to read about all that in a blog post.

The true purpose of sharing this sad story with you is, just like most of my blog posts, I want to share insights I have discovered with "my readers" and to journal my thoughts as well.

Michael was someone I worked with for a short period of time. He had a good heart, he was kind, and from what I knew of him, had a wild streak. Like most men in their 20s this is not too surprising. I liked talking to him, even though I had nothing in common with him. I thought once he found his path he would/could do great things.

Things are still under investigation, but from what the news is saying, he and a young woman (whom I also knew) were standing on the rail road tracks and didn't move when the train came...

Maybe the two of them thought they were alone in this world. Maybe they felt they couldn't face another day in their own skin. Possibly there were substances involved. I am hoping this is just a horrible accident and neither of them wanted to be on those tracks when the train came. I have no clue what was going on in their lives. Maybe none of us will, but I do know there are a great many people who are saddened by their deaths. Devastated. Bewildered.

I don't think I have ever been this upset about someone dying. Maybe it is because I knew them and they were young. Maybe it is because I thought it was something that neither of them would do. I don't know, but it has made me really evaluate how we effect each other.

Try to visualize a lake. Lake Bloomington, Soddy Lake, or Chickamauga Lake. Any large body of water will do. Imagine the lake is the world we live in. It is comprised of millions, if not billions of drops of water. If you take 1 drop of water and let if fall back into the lake what happens? Ripples and more ripples and more and more. It never really stops moving. The one drop effects the entire body of water. It is so small, but yet so powerful.

No matter how alone someone may feel they are apart of something bigger. The people they work with, the people they love, even the people they despise. Everyone is connected to each other. We all have a responsibility to be good to each other and value the time we have with this very fragile life we get to live.

I am going to really miss Michael. I didn't get the chance to see him finish what I knew he was capable of. There are no words to really express how sad and horrific this situation is. I guess the only thing I can take away from it is how I want to treat people from this point on.

One small drop can do so much...what will you do with yours?

Triathlon + Mommyhood + Life = Balance -- WHAT???

I am freaking ridiculous! Really. I am. Here are the list of things I have decided to take on as a new mother:

• Breastfeeding
• Cloth diapering
• NEW Full time job (40+ hours a week)
• Pumping b/c of full time job
• Making Aven's baby food
• Training for an Iron distance triathlon in October
  

And this is all on top of cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, and trying to be present in my marriage. Not to mention we have 3 doggies that have been woefully ignored. What the H am I thinking?!

I came to my breaking point last week. Not so much a breaking point, but an epiphany of sorts. I have been so freaking stressed out with breastfeeding, and life in general, I can't even begin to explain. I think I have brought all of this stress upon myself though. I want to be the best mommy to Aven possible, I want to be an awesome wife to Andy, I want to do really well at work and not take breaks to pump, I want to pump 4x a day at work and get a large supply, I want to work out on my lunch hour everyday, I want to wake up early and get a swim in, I want to time trial every week up at Raccoon Mountain, I want I want I want...

Well, I can't get everything I want. At least not at the level I am trying to obtain it. I read in a forum the other day a great piece of advice from an experienced Mom to a new Mom... "you can do it ALL, but you just can't give it your ALL." When I read that it hit me. HARD.

Aven is only going to be less than 1 year old ONCE in her life. Granted she will have milestones beyond 1 year, but as she gets older they will be less dramatic and less poignant. She will adjust fine if I am not there to witness them, but I won't. I am a Mother. I am an athlete, wife, friend, sister, daughter, professional, etc. But first and foremost I am Aven's Mom. She needs me more than anyone in the entire world right now. Everyday she becomes more and more independent. As excited as I am for her to learn about the world around her, I am sad that one day very soon she will turn to me and say, "I can do it myself." So I have had to make some really hard decisions.

As much as a stickler I am about finishing something I set out to do, I have decided Ironman training is not in the cards for me right now. I thought about dialing it back to a half Iron distance, and then realized even that is a bit too much for me currently. I feel like I have reneged on a commitment I made to myself, but when I actually said out loud to someone I was not doing an Ironman, I felt SO amazing! It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I started enjoying my days more and stressing less. One less thing to add to my very full plate.

I want to get back into shape, but I don't think I need an IM to motivate me anymore. I have 5 pounds left to loose and a lot of toning up to do. I think I am going to go back to my very first work out program, from 6 years ago. I am going to "work out" 5 days a week. Not sure of the exact days, but 1 day will be running (30-45 min tops), 1 day will be biking (over my lunch hour), 1 day will be swimming (over my lunch hour), and 2 days will be yoga. No target work outs, no heart rate to "hit," nothing structured, beyond getting out of the office to enjoy the last bit of summer/fall. If I miss a workout...oh well. I am not gonna stress about it anymore.

Another thing that has been less stressful is we found a formula that Aven will NOT throw up! Yeah. We have very slowly started to mix it with her breast milk and things are going really well. She has also started on table food. I have pureed some fruit and veggies. She likes carrots, sweet potatoes, peaches, pears, and cereal w/applesauce. She HATES (makes this hilarious gagging face) corn+green beans and bananas. This weekend I am going to try some new combinations to get more veggies into her.

So this is going to be my attempt at being "normal." Normal amount of working out balanced with family, life, and work...wish me luck! ;-)

YouTube: What 2SweetMomma Knows

There are many things I have learned about myself and about the world around me since I have become a Mom.

The first thing is there is no way to prepare a parent for the amount of sleep he/she will lose in the first 6 months of your child's life. Oh everyone said I was going to be tired, and they were NOT kidding! I have always had the ability to "function" very early in the morning and continue through the day. But whoa. Lately all I want is a nap. An opportunity to "catch up." I know that will never happen, but a girl can wish, right? ;-) Now onto the real content of this blog...

The second thing is breast feeding is so totally rewarding. People keep saying stuff like, "She sure isn't starving, is she?" My response to that is "Nope. I did that all by myself." =) ME. I. MOMMA IN THE HISOUSE. BAM. She is a healthy, chubby, cute baby. I am sure she will thin out when the time is right, but for now I love love love her little arm rolls and chubby little legs. =)

There are some drawbacks to breast feeding though. It is really lonely. Me and Aven, Aven and me...and since she isn't proficient on the talking thing, it is just me and my thoughts. ;-) When I first started, I wasn't very talented with doing it 1 handed. So no reading, no working on the computer, and the great room was sorta cold (winter baby) so no watching TV. Thank God for smart phones. I was able to stream YouTube on my Droid and watch videos. At first it was innocent enough. Surfing through the general suggestions and finding stuff to watch in the 15-20 min it took for Aven to eat. But then I realized you can "subscribe" to YouTube channels. First, you need to get your own account. HERE is a tutorial for how to do that. Then, either you can upload your own videos, like I have done with a handful of Aven videos or you can just subscribe. By subscribing, you have a que of videos you like to watch and you can even get an email when they have uploaded a new video. YouTubers like to have subscribers. It is a way of rating how they are doing and they are able to obtain statistics about how their viewers like or dislike their videos.

Basically there are 5 different types of YouTube videos:

1. Vlogs
2. Instructional videos
3. Viral videos
4. News
5. Gaming

The Vlogs are similar to what I have posted in the past. Basically, they are on-line video journal entries. There are a couple vlogs that I have become addicted to since Aven has arrived. The Shaytards is my favorite. From what I can gather, they are a family from Idaho that was your typical American family trying to make ends meet and then the dad started doing an online journal entry every day and it went crazy. They get product placement opportunities and other advertising perks and now they are full time "YouTubers." They post up almost daily vlogs and they are funny and sweet to each other. It puts me at ease and makes me smile. The other vlogs I like to watch are: KassemG (put your headphones on at work when you watch him ;-)), Ray William Johnson, and Courtney Pant's

Instructional videos are self explanatory. You can find everything from diaper folding to how to apply Avatar makeup.

Viral videos are strange, funny, disturbing videos that people watch over and over and over. Here are some of my favorites: Laughing Baby Ethan, Roller Man, and Double Rainbow. Sometimes they are real and sometimes they are fake. There are actually YouTubers out there who is their life goal to discover the "fakes."

News is pretty self explanatory, but can also be rather unique as well. There are some YouTube Channels that have created their own version of a "news show" Philip DeFranco is a good example.

And then there is Gaming. I hate video games, so I am not interested in any of these videos and have not watched them. If you are a gamer, then you probably already know of some really great YouTube channels for this stuff.

I think YouTube is AMAZING. It is free, entertaining, educational, and did I say FREE!?!? I really think in the next 5 years YouTube or some other on-line video sharing site will take over regular cable television. Let's face it. Cable TV sucks. Out of 75 channels, you maybe watch 10. You can't pick/pay for the 10 channels you want to watch so you are stuck surfing through the other 65 to get to the shows you like.

Well, off to watch some YouTube. Hope this short little tutorial has been helpful to those of you who didn't really know what the whole YouTube thing was about and for those who did, maybe I was able to share with you some funny cool channels to subscribe.

Hugs,
Heather