Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I've Lost My Mind AND a Cup Size!

Recently I posted up a Facebook status update that on the surface, I thought was a normal thought provoking update. Come to find out either people thought it would be a better idea to poke fun at me or reply back with reassuring "it will be ok, don't worry" comments. Alright, rewind. Here is a little back story to my status update:

On October 4th a baby girl named Lisa Irwin went missing. She is 11 months old from Missouri. She was reported to be taken from her crib while sleeping. My heart broke. Aven turned 9 months that week and upon hearing this news a couple of things went through me. The first was, I am going to keep my eyes peeled for any baby that looks like Lisa (boy or girl) because the kidnappers could dress her as a boy to disguise her. The second thing that went through my head was, what if I falsely accused someone of kidnapping Lisa because my memory recall from her photos could be inaccurate?

Then, my mind started twirling...

What if someone thought Aven was Lisa? How would I prove that Aven was mine? Yes, I know DNA exists. I also know that there would be many of my friends and family that would be witness to the fact I am indeed Aven's mom. My question was targeted as a more "on the spot" sorta verification.

I am painfully aware that these thoughts could be considered as overreacting. But are they?

One side says yes. The probability this could happen to anyone I know is rather slim. Really really slim. Read this blog post: How Dangerous is Childhood? At first glance, I was worried my thoughts would have been supported. But upon further reading, I started to feel a little better.

The other side says no. If it is your baby that is taken, was there anything you could have done to stop it? Lock your windows? Become a helicopter parent? Purchase an Amber Alert GPS?

I am sure there is a happy medium to both sides. I have confidence that I will find it. The thought provoking question is why? Why did I just now start to freak out about the big bad world? Why not when Aven was first born? Or before? Was it Lisa? Or was Lisa a catalyst?

The best conclusion I could come up with was I stopped breast feeding (totally) at about the same time baby Lisa went missing. Aven started pushing herself away at night time and morning feedings. You can lead a horse to we stopped. The same time I started to worry and worry and worry about her. I think before I was concerned, but I always felt connected to her. It sounds strange, but I just knew she was alright. Without a tether, I felt so disconnected and flailing. Things have gotten better since I started to realize the reason behind my hypersensitivity.

The reason I wanted to blog about this was not to embarrass myself, which I am sure I have done. Rather to bring to light if any mom out there is starting to ween their baby and they have crazy OMG moments, it is normal. least I did it ;-) Not to say that I am normal, but maybe...