It is happening...really it is. Can you feel it? I can!
I am slowly starting to creep out from under the newborn momma blanket. For those of you who are new to my blog, please read the first paragraph from THIS entry from October. Tristan is going to be 2 months old this upcoming Friday. Aven turned 2 years old on NYE and she is almost fully potty trained. I started back to work last week. Finally, I have created a training program to get back in shape (my first workout was yesterday). Milestones people. MILE - STONES.
In my last blog I went on and on about how I wish I could have had more time with T, but alas I can't, so I am not going to whine about it and keep blathering on "woe is me." I love our day care and feel Aven has had such a great experience with them over the past 2 years. They are safe and happy in a place that I am happy about and I am able to participate in the land of the living - AKA the adult world.
There is a certain freedom in knowing our family is complete. Unless God has a different plan for us, we are not having anymore children. Our pediatrician asked us why. He said we were so good at having healthy babies he thought we should have more. I could have slapped him right there in his office. Of course my reaction could have been a knee jerk from the fact I had JUST accidentally delivered T at home 3 days prior.
Reason #1 : Two kids is man on man defense. I give the Mommas and the Pappas who have more than 2 kids a HUGE amount of credit. Zone defense is waaaaayyy more difficult in my eyes. I couldn't imagine 3, 4, 5, or even 6 kids! My mother-in-law is one of 11 kids! Can you imagine having 10 kids AND then getting pregnant again??? Something to be said for those German Catholic Mid-westerners. LOL
Reason #2 : We have 2 beautiful, smart, healthy kids. I am going to put it out there and say T is smart. Even at 2 months I see his potential (can you say proud momma?). Why jinx it? I know this is silly, but maybe it has a lot to do with my Catholic upbringing and perpetual guilt. If I have something good in my life, I have this constant fear there is an equal bad around the corner. Maybe it is dualism, maybe balanced Karma; whatever it is I don't want to push my luck.
Reason #3 : Many people in Chattanooga don't know this, but I am older than Andy. Much older. (7 years older) I know, I don't look it. I actually have a hard time remembering that I am closer to 40 than 30 myself. Sometimes (OK most of the time) I still feel like a girl not a woman. Throughout my entire pregnancy with Tristan, I was so worried about his development. More so than when I was with Aven because I was 2 years older. What if because of my selfishness to have another child we have a baby with genetic problems? I couldn't live with that guilt.
Reason #4 : OK here is the selfish one. I want my body back. I want to abuse it with exercise. I want to push my body to its physical limits. I want to SWEAT. For almost 3 years (by the end it will be closer to 4) now I have held back because I was trying to get pregnant, pregnant, nursing, trying to get pregnant again, pregnant, and now nursing for the final time. I didn't understand the physical commitment I needed to make to my kids. I thought, "Oh sure, I can sacrifice 9 months and jump back to my 'before' routine." HA! Double HA HA! Not that I was delusional, I just didn't know what to expect. Now, before you "tsk tsk" me...I would do it again in a heart beat. No doubt, but there is also no doubt I am ready (in about 1 year) to be Tristan's mom and not his food source.
Back to the crawling out from under the blanket, I worked out yesterday! I am taking this slow fo sho. I am pretending I have never worked out a day in my life. Starting back super slow will hopefully give me the motivation to stick with it and have working out become a normal part of my life again. I didn't take it slow with Aven. I pushed her with nursing, I pushed myself with working out, I had lofty goals that got in the way of taking it slow. I was stressed about getting back in shape. Not good.
I am walking. Then walk/jogging. Then jogging. Then running. When I first started working out 8 years ago I did the Oprah walk/run program. It worked, and in 3 short months I considered myself a runner and did my very first race. I remember the feeling of crossing the finish line. I was almost in tears. It was a 4 mile race around Lake Bloomington, IL. Short compared to the marathons, Ironman and half Ironman races, and century rides I have done; but it was HUGE to me. It always will be huge in my heart. I am so stoked to get back to running.
|Cara and I taking 1st (Cara) and 3rd (me) at the Rodeny Miller tri|
|Me and Candi doing her first half marathon|
|Me and Mere taking a break at WIBA|
|Me and Elaine at the Flying Pig Marathon Expo|
|Me at IM Wisconsin|