Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Triathlon + Mommyhood + Life = Balance -- WHAT???

I am freaking ridiculous! Really. I am. Here are the list of things I have decided to take on as a new mother:
  • Breastfeeding
  • Cloth diapering
  • NEW Full time job (40+ hours a week)
  • Pumping b/c of full time job
  • Making Aven's baby food
  • Training for an Iron distance triathlon in October
And this is all on top of cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, and trying to be present in my marriage. Not to mention we have 3 doggies that have been woefully ignored. What the H am I thinking?!

I came to my breaking point last week. Not so much a breaking point, but an epiphany of sorts. I have been so freaking stressed out with breastfeeding, and life in general, I can't even begin to explain. I think I have brought all of this stress upon myself though. I want to be the best mommy to Aven possible, I want to be an awesome wife to Andy, I want to do really well at work and not take breaks to pump, I want to pump 4x a day at work and get a large supply, I want to work out on my lunch hour everyday, I want to wake up early and get a swim in, I want to time trial every week up at Raccoon Mountain, I want I want I want...

Well, I can't get everything I want. At least not at the level I am trying to obtain it. I read in a forum the other day a great piece of advice from an experienced Mom to a new Mom... "you can do it ALL, but you just can't give it your ALL." When I read that it hit me. HARD.

Aven is only going to be less than 1 year old ONCE in her life. Granted she will have milestones beyond 1 year, but as she gets older they will be less dramatic and less poignant. She will adjust fine if I am not there to witness them, but I won't. I am a Mother. I am an athlete, wife, friend, sister, daughter, professional, etc. But first and foremost I am Aven's Mom. She needs me more than anyone in the entire world right now. Everyday she becomes more and more independent. As excited as I am for her to learn about the world around her, I am sad that one day very soon she will turn to me and say, "I can do it myself." So I have had to make some really hard decisions.

As much as a stickler I am about finishing something I set out to do, I have decided Ironman training is not in the cards for me right now. I thought about dialing it back to a half Iron distance, and then realized even that is a bit too much for me currently. I feel like I have reneged on a commitment I made to myself, but when I actually said out loud to someone I was not doing an Ironman, I felt SO amazing! It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I started enjoying my days more and stressing less. One less thing to add to my very full plate.

I want to get back into shape, but I don't think I need an IM to motivate me anymore. I have 5 pounds left to loose and a lot of toning up to do. I think I am going to go back to my very first work out program, from 6 years ago. I am going to "work out" 5 days a week. Not sure of the exact days, but 1 day will be running (30-45 min tops), 1 day will be biking (over my lunch hour), 1 day will be swimming (over my lunch hour), and 2 days will be yoga. No target work outs, no heart rate to "hit," nothing structured, beyond getting out of the office to enjoy the last bit of summer/fall. If I miss a workout...oh well. I am not gonna stress about it anymore.

Another thing that has been less stressful is we found a formula that Aven will NOT throw up! Yeah. We have very slowly started to mix it with her breast milk and things are going really well. She has also started on table food. I have pureed some fruit and veggies. She likes carrots, sweet potatoes, peaches, pears, and cereal w/applesauce. She HATES (makes this hilarious gagging face) corn+green beans and bananas. This weekend I am going to try some new combinations to get more veggies into her.

So this is going to be my attempt at being "normal." Normal amount of working out balanced with family, life, and work...wish me luck! ;-)

1 comment:

Shelley Moore said...

Heather, thank you so much for sharing this!!!! I have been going through so much of the same things, except my baby is leaving home instead of entering my life, but all the rest of it is still the same. I really felt all by myself on that lonely island of "I want to do it all but can't so I'm a failure"... But after many long and painful conversations with Andy, lol, I finally came ot a similar realization. No half IM for me this year - it is what it is, and there will be another time for it. I need to be present and balanced and just get back to the basics for awhile. Thank you for sharing that even the "pros" suffer the same things. XOXOXO