The first part of my pregnancy was pretty uneventful. Very much like it was the first time. I was a little tired, a little moody, and a little emotional. Really nothing too noticeable to the unknowing person. Then week 12 hit and I was smacked upside the head with a 2x4. I was off the charts emotional (for me), I was super duper irritable (more so than usual), and I was depressed. Like really, legitimately I thought there was something wrong with me-depressed. I was pretty quite about it for weeks 12-13. 2 weeks of depression and I was worried. Super worried. I called my midwife and got into see her right away. She is great, btw!!! She asked all the right questions and didn't make me feel strange for feeling like the world was falling out from under me. Come to find out...by power of deduction and elimination: my placenta hadn't started working to it's full effect yet. It finally kicked in about week 16! I am sure there are a multitude of reasons we ladies feel like absolute crap at the beginning of our pregnancies; but from what I have been able to deduce from discussing things with my midwife, doing research, and talking to other mommies; is it has a lot to do with your placenta. Before that gross, but very necessary component starts working 100%, there isn't a buffer between you and the baby. Everything the baby needs (hormones, calories, fluids, blood, oxygen, etc.) comes from your supply. That is why you feel like you don't have anything left...because you don't. When the placenta starts, then FINALLY, there is a supplement at work and your body gets a break. I guess with Aven my placenta started working sooner than it did with baby #2.
After talking with my midwife and other women, depression during pregnancy is pretty common. Really? I had NEVER heard of that side effect. Well, maybe no one ever talks about it. I didn't. I felt embarrassed I didn't feel the excitement like I did before. I was embarrassed I wasn't going to be able to handle 2 kids. I was embarrassed I couldn't "handle" things. Basically, I felt as if I was a failure as a mother and a wife and I didn't want anyone to know...not good. I know. I was lucky I started talking to my husband and then finally to my midwife. We made a plan if things didn't turn around in the next couple of weeks. That was reassuring and was good to hear there was a "plan." I was so relived when I started feeling better by week 16. My main purpose in writing all this out, is not to have anyone feel sorry for me. I really want to let other women know it is "normal" to feel unsure, uneasy, and depressed; but the biggest thing to do is to talk about it and not feel embarrassed. Just like with postpartum, no one can see it. You may think it is written across your forehead; but it isn't. You need to talk to someone so it doesn't spiral out of control. Also, if you are like me, and want more answers other than "Oh it is normal, it should go away in a couple of weeks." Then ask. Why is this happening? What techniques can I/we apply to make it easier? Do you recommend a professional to talk to? Do I need to be medicated? Can we hold off on medication for a week or so? Ask anything and everything.
BTW--I am feeling SO much better! Here are a couple of progress pics from the last couple of weeks:
Above and below: week 14
Above and below: week 17
*psst don't mind the dirty bathroom please ;-)
Question: What are little boys made of?
Answer: SNAILS AND PUPPY DOG TAILS!
Yup. A little baby boy for the Sweets. Not sure how I am going to handle having a "balanced" house. I am used to chaos and craziness. I guess with 2 kids that will come, right?
Thanks everyone for reading and I hope to have more posts in the near future.