Looking back on my adult life I have felt all three of these. There are things I wish I didn't do. There are things I wish I would have done and still can do. There are also things I wouldn't change for the world.
Taking a hiatus from competitive athletics has been a unique experience I could have never really done without being pregnant. Pregnancy certainly forced me to take a step back and reflect. In my heart, I know I am a rock climber, a runner, and a cyclist. Definitive roles I own and am proud of. But over the past 2 years I have put mother ahead of all of these. Taking time to have a healthy pregnancy, nursing, and time with my family is so important. But now Aven is starting to become more independent and is interested in the world around her more than she is having me at her beck and call. This realization is liberating but also a little sad too. My baby is growing up. *sniff.
I know I want Aven to have a sibling and I want them to be close in age so they can have more in common with each other while they are growing up; but then that means another 2 years of putting my competitive activities on the back burner.
Is it worth it?
I know I am never going to get paid to be a triathlete. I am never going to go Pro at any of the activities I enjoy, so what difference does it make if I wait 2 years? There isn't an expiration date on cycling, running, or climbing. On the other hand, it does get frustrating when I talk to my peers and they are all ramping up for a big race and I am not. I have not had the opportunity to be competitive in Chattanooga. I don't think any of my counterparts look at me as a competitive. But in my heart I know I am...will I still feel that way in 2 years?
Yes.
Yes, I will. I am a competitive person by nature. Duh. I try to beat the car next to me at a stop light when it turns green...in a 4 cylinder 7 year old SUV for goodness sake! Having another baby is not going to diminish that part of me. The joy I have gotten from being Aven's mom has been the best feeling I have ever had. Better than any hardware I have gotten in a race. Better than any PR I have accomplished. Better than sending my first 5.11. Hands down Aven's spirit and love has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt why I was put on this earth.
What does this all mean? I don't know. Well, I guess it says I am ready to have 2 munchkins running around Sweet Soddy Acres. Not saying this is happening tomorrow or next month, but I guess I am just saying I am ready...I think I am going to have to chat with Cara and see if this is really what I want LOL.
Congrats to everyone at the TT this morning! I was thinking about you and wishing you luck.
1 comment:
The Nelsens say go for it! We'll be down there retired when you're ready to race again and we can watch the kids!
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