FA: Facebook Anonymous

"Hello, my name is Heather and I am addicted to Facebook."

"Hi Heather."

In years past, I have given up many different things for lent: swearing, drinking, biting my nails, cracking my knuckles, T.V., and pop -- just to name a few. But this year, I was trying to think of something that would be REALLY hard.

Let me rewind, there might be some people who are unfamiliar with Lent and how Catholics participate in Lent. First, Lent is the 40 days before Easter. The 40 days are representative of the 40 days Jesus retreated to the wilderness and fasted for 40 days -- it was at this time he was also tempted by the devil; and Jesus overcame the 3 temptations the devil proposed. Some people also might not know Mardi Gras is a celebration that starts after the Epiphany (January 6th - celebration of when the 3 kings visited baby Jesus) and ends on Fat Tuesday. To go further, Fat Tuesday is the last day before Lent/Ash Wednesday -- when you will fast and pay penance for your sins for 40 days...

Disclaimer: I don't consider myself to be a devout Catholic, nor even a good one for that matter. I haven't gone to confession since high school and I don't believe ALL the teachings in the Bible. I guess you could say I am a "pick and choose" Catholic. Not that I need to bore you with my belief system. I think y'all can believe whatever you want and do whatever you want as long as you are a good person and try to be the best example of humanity out there. K, nuff said. Ok, now that we have come full circle and we have had a little theology for the day, back to Facebook and why I gave it up for Lent.

I have found over the past year I have become ummm how do you say... totally addicted to Facebook?! Seriously people! I am obsessed with checking my Facebook. I think about it when I am at work! I want to get a smart phone so I can check it when I am away from a computer! I feel out of touch when I don't check-in at least 3 times a day! Obsessed.

The sad thing is, I know I am not alone. I will excuse the people who promote their business via social media: Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. To be honest, if it weren't for me and my "friends" the folks who promote their businesses on Facebook wouldn't have an audience. Supply and demand. So that brings me to the steps of Facebook recovery...

1. I have admitted I am powerless over Facebook.

2. I vow not to even type www.Facebook.com in my browser.

3. I will start connecting with my friends the old fashion way--e-mailing via my 4 email accounts.

4. I promise to use the extra time I have productively--blogging.

5. I will "officially" work while I am AT work.

6. I will convey my thoughts in complete sentences, rather than finishing said sentences with dangling participles. (Note to self: Wikipedia dangling participles)

7. I will stop overusing exclamation marks and question marks in correspondence.

8. I will stop thinking status updates are the definition of a person.

9. I will avoid expressing shock and amazement when someone tells me they don't have a Facebook account.

10. After completing the above nine steps...I will have completely prepared to enlist the help of my dear friend Pinky and embark on my epic journey of TAKING OVER THE WORLD!

After all is said and done, the first 8 days haven't been that bad. I thought I would be missing out on all this awesome stuff and all my friends would desert me, but none of that has happened--so far. Well actually, I almost missed out on an awesome girls night, but thanks to the power of hotmail I was saved :) Whew. Close one. We will see how I am doing in a couple weeks, but so far so good.

I will leave you with one random thing I experienced today. You know you are a Chattanoogian when you hear this on your morning commute and you know what they are talking about: "There is a big 18 wheeler turned over by the space ship house on Signal. So there is slow going for them folks this morning." The local country radio station must be trying out a new traffic guy...try to imagine this with a super thick Southern accent. Made me smile. BTW...it is for sale.